“The interrogation is being personally overseen by Vladimir Putin. He likes this sort of thing,” reported Medvedev’s press secretary.

When asked to comment on the situation at a recent State Department press conference, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton declined to comment. Reporting that it was an “internal matter for Russia.”

However, Associated Press reports reveal that of the 400 ninjas that attack Medvedev, 14 were American.

It was unknown at press time if any of the survivors of the attack were American.

RUSSIAN NINJAS TRAINING:

The goal of the attack was to remove Dmitry Medvedev from power and install American actor Dolph Lundgren, waiting at the border for his moment to seize control.

Unfortunately for Saakashvili and the 400 ninjas, Medvedev was found armed with a pumice stone, with which he single-handedly defeated each attacker one by one.

Lundgren was forced to withdraw and regroup with the Georgian forces.

“I will live to fight another day,” he stated as he rode his bike off into the sunset.

The White Castle restaurant, located on the city’s famed Lake Street, supplied the mayor and his entourage with a reported 25 sliders, a bag of fries, five large sodas and a small order of onion petals.

After ordering the food, Mayor Rybak was seen banging on the military recruiters office. Witnesses report there was heavy volumes of tears as Rybak continued to say he made a “big mistake” and “joining the army may be his only way out.”

INTERPRETATION OF RYBAK’S VICTORY PARTY:

Despite great success at the polls, forcing a constitutionally-mandated follow-up vote, Abdullah Abdullah chose to forgo his right and hand over the election to his opponent.

Sources close to him report that the reason for his decision is the fact that he wants to watch the World Series.

Abdullah Abdullah is widely-known as a major Philadelphia Phillies fan and has allegedly become “highly involved” in the championship series. Sources also confirm that he has placed a major bet with rival Karzai, a well-known New York Yankees fan, regarding the outcome of the best-of-seven games.

Following a short exchange by John Goodwhin, a local championship bodybuilder, and Charles Trongold, high school wrestling champ, about the fact that they could take the whole Japanese fleet in the middle of the ocean “if they were there.” Bennie Rockford, the local high school physics teacher, told the two that they could travel through time and defeat the Japanese military with just a few simple projects.

Explaining the overall dedication to the two very ripped men, Bennie invited them back to his house to work over the details. According to sources close to the individuals, after the morning’s breakfast, they will be fast on their way to World War II Japan for some serious ass kicking.

Initial reports state that Simpson has been given control over a small village.

A spokesperson for the Nevada State Correctional Board claimed that Simpson used a makeshift knife to escape from the minimum-security facility during lunch. Apparently, most of the guards were interested in getting security-camera footage of OJ and themselves. He then commandeered another white Ford Bronco and made a dash to a hidden airport where he flew to Myanmar, before being smuggled into the war-torn region.

The State Department refused to comment further and a representative from CENTCOM has yet to respond.

After a long negotiation over which type to play, ambassadors agreed that Risk: Godstorm would be the best.

All six nations in the six-party talks will take part: North Korea, South Korea, China, Russia, Japan and the United States.

Representing the countries will be a number of high ranking officials, including “master players” Kim Jong-nam, Kim Jong-Il’s son, and US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

In a harsh letter of criticism, God has announced that he or she has given up on the chance for peace in the Middle East.

The press release stated that “after centuries of attempts at symbolic signs and chances as self-reliance, both the Jewish and Muslim populations have made very little progress. I wash my hands of the situation.”

Many theologians are pointing at those last words as a reference to the Biblical character of Pontius Pilot.

Both Jewish and Muslim religious leaders have stated that they do not take note of the statement. In a joint statement, they claim that “the Christian God has no bearing whatsoever on our actions.”

The Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, West Bank Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and Gaza Palestinian President Aziz Duwaik have all gone on record they will meet immediately to discuss this matter personally.
]]> http://worldatwar.today.com/2009/07/20/god-gives-up-on-middle-east/feed/ http://worldatwar.today.com/2009/07/20/torchwood-causes-resurgence-of-violence-in-southeast-asia/ http://worldatwar.today.com/2009/07/20/torchwood-causes-resurgence-of-violence-in-southeast-asia/#comments Mon, 20 Jul 2009 22:26:55 +0000 galore187 http://worldatwar.today.com/2009/07/20/torchwood-causes-resurgence-of-violence-in-southeast-asia/ The new Torchwood miniseries “Children of Earth” has caused an uptick of violence in Southeast Asia.

The BBC has refused to broadcast the coveted show throughout Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia and Burma, causing a resurgence of civil war between die-hard Doctor Who fans and those who support the BBC’s work on Torchwood.

“Apparently, there are a number of fans of the television show who are angry with rival Whovians and the BBC,” stated U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, currently on a trip throughout Asia.

Four bombings in Ho Chi Minh City alone have caused a reported 68 deaths and a number of casualties.

“We ask that the BBC rethink its decision and air the miniseries on public television,” said Clinton.

Bootleg copies have been confiscated by a number of police officials.

Southeast Asia was the site of a protracted war during the mid-20th century between Communist and Nationalist forces as well as intervention by the French and U.S. militaries.

“While not fully released in the communist country, the advanced copies of the album currently being distributed by radio stations are having huge success with the public,” stated Moby’s spokesperson, “This is great for my client’s image.”

Moby, a die-hard communist and Marxist revolutionary, has long supported socialist regimes such as that in Vietnam, China, Laos and North Korea.

Last summer, Moby took a trip to Cuba where he met with Fidel and Raul Castro and played a set at the famed Havana Baseball Stadium.

He plans to meet with Kim Jong-Il sometime this fall.

Moby declined to comment on whether this performance in Vietnam will coincide with his new promotions with Coca-Cola and support for Jennie-O Turkey’s questionable practices.