May 12 2009
Jolly Green Giant Joins the Marines
The famed and loved icon of the American frozen food industry, Jolly Green Giant, has reportedly joined the Marine Corps.
A spokesman for the vegetable company stated that, despite protests from the Board of Directors, the Jolly Green Giant has chosen to fulfill his duties to a country that has given him so much.
The Marine Corps reports they are proud to have him but don’t look forward to having to get him a desert khaki in his size.
“If we were back in the Nam, we wouldn’t even bother. Bastard’s green for God’s sake!” said an unnamed staff advisor at the Pentagon.
The Jolly Green Giant has reportedly released a statement, “Ho ho ho.”
Additional reports coming in as we go to press say that Sprout has joined the anti-war movement and is planning to speak at a rally near Blue Earth, Minnesota.
