World at War

Sometime in early 2003, the Bush administration delivered a Patriot missile defense system for Poland to be deployed by their military to defend against possible retaliation by the Saddam Hussein regime.

Unfortunately, the defense system was caught up in customs for the past six years and only now is finally being installed.

“That’s the last time we ship through FedEx,” stated the Polish foreign minister Radoslaw Sikorski.

Apparently, the delivery was wrongly routed to Germany and held for six months at a Hamburg McDonald’s. Once the manager discovered that the boxes of frozen hamburgers were actually a highly developed missile defense perimeter, he contacted the corporate office.

This led to a long negotiation between the German and Polish governments that ended in a heated exchange over a Big Mac.

The system then went to the Polish border where it sat unclaimed for four years. By chance, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton stumbled upon it while picking up a package from the local FedEx station.

Clinton’s office stated, “Thankfully, the system is up and running so we can protect Poland from the rogue Iraqi regime now.

Despite repeated assurances by Sri Lankan government forces that the desperate Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam are near defeat, they continue to threaten the stability of the region.

Lieutenant General Sarath Fonseka is reported as saying, “The Tamil Tiger rebels could attack southern India’s economic and civilian targets in aerial strikes.”

This comes a shock to both the Indian government and just about every other nation in the region.

As reported on this website as well as many others, the Tamil Tigers were on the verge of defeat merely three weeks ago. The United Nations called for an end to the bloodshed.

But, despite their assured insistence that the long-fought war was nearing an end, it appears that the Tamil Tiger’s strategy of undermining the regime in Sri Lanka continues.

The real question remains about how the Tigers have spontaneously developed an air wing. This air task force attacked Colombo recently.

With his latest fireside chat, Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has changed his appearance. He has adjusted his wardrobe by adding a pipe and horn-rimmed glasses. The surprising addition to his wardrobe is a bathrobe, which he apparently has taken to wearing at all times. Echoing a bit of U.S President Franklin D. Roosevelt and a touch of Hugh Hefner, Medvedev reassured the Russian people that the current economic climate is manageable.

Observers are questioning his sanity, however. The Kremlin failed to report on a photo that revealed Medvedev wearing tissue boxes on his feet. Also, recent reports state that he has requested forty copies of the Lord of the Rings trilogy made available to his staff.

“The Russian president’s actions seem to fit with the current frame of mind in Russian politics,” reported psychologist and economist Dr. Richard Brank, “If the leadership appears to be incompetent, the people support their decisions less. This means that Medvedev can safely take no actions whatsoever, so he will ultimately not be to blame when things get really bad.”

At a meeting with the neighbors of the film-obsessed recluse’s nation, South Korea, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said that she’s tired of the antics of Kim Jung Il and his friends. They stay out all night, never get there work done and subjugate the people under an iron fist of extreme communism. She also said the tinkering they’re doing with nuclear weapons is just a “no-no.”

“The North should refrain from violating this resolution, and also from any and all provocative actions,” she said.

She went on to suggest that maybe Kim Jung Il’s friends should all just go home so he can think about what he’s done.

When asked about possible sanctions, Clinton stated that maybe the best course of action would be to ground him from television for a couple of weeks. If that doesn’t help, she’ll take away his cell phone. She did not rule out a preemptive military strike to decapitate the regime before a full-scale invasion by a coalition of armed forces led by the United States military.

Paying homage to their ancestry, Germany has decided to reform as small portion of the Warmacht and sent it to Afghanistan. The 600 troops, dressed in leftover Tom Cruise Valkyrie wardrobe will be armed with rebuilt World War II era equipment. They were even able to scrounge up a couple Panzer tanks from some dealer in California.

“Unfortunately the Panzers don’t actually fire,” said one German major, “but they do look good.”

Germany sent the troops after President Barack Obama requested more allies to take part in the mission to stabilize Afghanistan.

The deployment comes on the heels of the U.S. sending 20,000 real troops to the country.

As it often does, South Korea issued a statement that it would not condone a missile test that appears to be on the horizon for North Korea. Like they always do, North Korea makes a threat and South Korea responds with a verbal statement. North Korea will do what it wants and South Korea will merely tuck tail and ask the United States to pressure the UN for sanctions. When this happens, North Korea will join in some more six-party talks and then pull out of them before any real progress happens.

This is a definite case of two steps forward, one step back for North Korea. They are slowly but surely acquiring the ability to attack various nations within its proximity with nuclear weapons. The government pretends to show interest in disarming, but vaguely tries and then removes UN monitors from the country.

Apparently, the new face of American diplomacy with North Korea is pretty much the same as the old face. Except this time its Hillary instead of Condi.

In what has to come as a shock to many who supported the Bush administration, the Prime Minister of Pakistan Syed Yousud Raza Gilani asked pretty please with sugar on top to stop bombing and invading his country.

In a meeting with US Special Representative Richard Holbrooke, the Prime Minister pointed out that despite the US not actually being at war with his country, there have been 52 missile strikes into his country in the past year.

That’s a lot, he thinks. Most other countries the US is not at war with only get attacked a couple of times a year. Why the special attention to his country, the Prime Minister asks.

Holbrook responded with a very typical US answer, stating that he had come to listen and understand the situation on the ground. He then mumbled something about a committee being formed and bid the Prime Minister good day.

His plane took off just as a missile struck a village in Waziristan, the tribal region the borders with Afghanistan.

53.

Despite the former President’s moves to build a new European Missile Defense Perimeter, the new administration’s Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, has gone on record stating that the U.S. may reconsider establishment of the program.

Obama, himself, has stopped short of embracing the Bush administration’s missile defense program, stating that he is “assessing” the program.

In light of Russia’s continued aggressions towards its neighbors, the U.S. has politically stood with many of the Commonwealth of Independent States over the recent years. Although, the American stance has continued to state that the policies to develop the missiles has nothing to do with Russian intervention, but in defense of Iranian and other nation’s potential nuclear development.

Russia recently called Iran’s actions the “largest threat to national security” currently under consideration.

As the ceasefire in the Gaza Strip came into effect between the Israeli government and Hamas, President Obama’s Middle East envoy, former Senator George Mitchell, to the region to kick-start the peace process.

Mitchell, after visiting other Islamic countries, is intent on establishing a relationship with leaders of both the Jewish state and the Palestinian Authority.

In response to questions regarding his policy, Obams stated, “Lasting peace requires more than a long cease-fire, and that’s why I will sustain an active commitment to seek two states living side by side in peace and security.”

This step is unprecedented for a President in his first hundred days. Generally, most individuals taking office hold off on their Middle East policy until further into their administration. Indeed, many wait until the end of their tenure to make true overtures in the name of the Presidency. Obama has taken steps that others have not in calling for a “two-state solution” and sending Mitchell to the region.

Following Saturday’s provincial election, a suicide bomber in the northeastern province of Diyala has killed at least 12 people. The attack in the city of Khanaqin came as the country was awaiting the results.

The violence comes on the heals of Sunni tribal leaders angry about the potential results and issuing calls of fraud. U.S. and Iraqi officials have stepped-up security measures in Anbar province. The last election, held in 2005, were boycotted by many Sunni groups. Interested parties hope that the election results will redistribute power more evenly amongst the ethnic and sectarian groups.

Full results in the election will not be available until Thursday, however, early signs indicate that Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki’s coalition is favored.

On February 2, Iran launched a low-orbit satellite for unknown purposes. Pentagon Press Secretary Geoff Morrell commented on the fact that the U.S. is concerned that this satellite could be used in some sort of capacity to help develop a ballistic missile system.

The satellite was carried into space aboard an Ambassador-2 rocket, developed domestically by Iranian scientists.

The country is celebrating the 30^th anniversary of the Islamic Revolution and has taken steps to achieve milestones usually reserved for other nations. Although, no word of the satellite’s purpose, analysts believe this is first step in achieving long-range missile technology.

Former Russian President and current Prime Minister Vladimir Putin also commented, stating that Iran is Russia’s “number one security threat.”

Puthukkudiyiruppu Hospital, located in the northern region of Sri Lanka called Vanni, was shelled on February 1, killing nine civilians and injuring 20. The hospital, operated by the International Committee of the Red Cross (Red Cross), is the only such installation in the conflict zone where the Sri Lankan government forces are battling with the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (Tamil Tigers).

Paul Castella, head of the Red Cross Colombo delegation said, “We’re shocked that the hospital was hit, and this for the second time in recent weeks.”

The compound was hit twice by shells as the staff was attempting to prioritize more than 500 civilian patients who had been injured by the ongoing conflict. Among them were 50 children, injured from stray bullets and mortar fire.

The Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapakse has indicated that the window for safe passage from the area has expired and a full-blown military operation to eradicate the Tamil Tigers is underway.

The two factions have been fighting for decades. The Tamil Tigers have been pushed back into a small piece of jungle in which the government forces promise a swift destruction of the opposition group.

Amid nuclear talks that have come to a stall, Pyongyang has called for verification checks on South Korea. North Korea, stating a request to the international community in order to get six-party talks with the U.S., South Korea, Japan, China and Russia started again, that their neighbor to the south and its U.S. military installations should be investigated for nuclear weapons, saying the effort to free the peninsula from nuclear weapons does not stop at the northern border.

A spokesman for North Korea’s General Chief of Staff reiterated, “As long as there is no nuclear dismantlement in the South to clear nuclear threats from the United States, dismantlement to remove our nuclear arms won’t materialize.”

Pyongyang claimed last month that the foreign policies of the Bush administration and Washington, D.C. forced the country into developing nuclear weapons.

The U.S. deployed atomic weapons during the conflict in 1950-53. It is believed that there are still some located on bases in the region.

South Korea has 20 nuclear reactors that provide the country with nearly 40 percent of its energy needs.

North Korea admits to having 14,000 unspent fuel rods, an estimated 100 tons of uranium.